In Spectacular Solitude on the Festival of Lupercalia

Valentine's Day is a big event here. While students are warned about financial excesses and that "really, it's just another day on the calendar", no one is quite immune to the spirit with which the children ring it in. And so it began, early enough, the ubiquitous question, "Hey, Cathy (ma'am) [ah, yes, there are still those who continue to use that archaic embellishment for me], who is your Valentine?" By the end of the second lesson, I was bored with the "No one" and the sympathetic, "AWWWW" I got from them. Time to think of something more witty and exciting - and suddenly, passing a group of girls on the stairs who offered me chocolate as well as the ubi-question, I spontaneously sang out, "I am my Valentine."

They looked at me with great approval! Of course young Chirag gallantly offered to be my Valentine  - I don't think he quite approves of solitude! - but I believe he already has a lot of Valentines, and I do so dislike crowds...

Three years ago on this day, I stood addressing a 200-strong group of middle school students - to talk about the origins of the "day" and what it has come to mean. Being me [for who else can I be? - but occasionally, I can wish...] I added at the end that the day had a special significance in my life. It was on this day in 1994 that I was married to the father of my two children, and that it was on this day 11 years later that I told him to "go jump". I spoke of all the 14th-of-February celebrations we had had in-between those two dates - of roses and diamond rings and candle-lit dinners and the whole picture perfect scenery on the backdrop. Then I offered them some free advice, "I think this made me realize that it is not what you do on this particular day that matters, but what you do for each other on the remaining  364 days of the year." There was an awed silence as I shared this, but it was only later that I realized the real impact of my words. From Grade 6 students, all the way through to adults who had been present, I had people thanking me for sharing what I had; one Grade 8 boy choked up as he said, "I'm really sorry for your loss, but it helped me learn something important."

However, the idea takes on a whole new meaning now. The Festival of Lupercalia, which one may call the proto-Valentine's day, was a ritualistic cleansing of evil spirits in order to release health and fertility. Named after the she-wolf Lupa, who nursed the infants Romulus and Remus [founders of Rome], the festival is meant to purify life. Later on in history, it became the feast of Saint Valentine; and according to one legend, this was a priest who brought young people together and performed their wedding ceremonies in private against the orders of the emperor. He was, needless to say, caught and martyred.

Transfer this to the 21st century, and immense possibilities open up.

Last week, the homework for the family therapy course group was to find one's Zihuatanejo [refer to Shawshank Redemption - brilliant film, by the way, from what we watched of it] - and write to the "current" self from the "future" self. It was a very interesting exercise, at all levels: visualising a future that one wants to get to; wondering about what paths one needs to take to get there; discovering the crucial turning points that pointed in the correct directions.

And yet, while to a certain extent it was about setting goals, the exercise meant much more than that. In the everyday junk we collect - of events, incidents, emotions, interactions - there is always the possibility of mistaking the bathwater for the baby; or sometimes, as often happens, we mistake the baby for the bathwater. Essentially, then, we end up throwing the right part out and retain the wrong part. There are those times too, when we don't throw any of it out, and end up with a lot of stink! Cleansing, therefore, becomes an important part of the process that leads to fertility - to be fecund at whatever you do with your life, to create your life, or live creatively, you need to be able to see the fallen leaves as so much mulch; not to regret that they have fallen, but that now they are able to fertilize the future.

So, for those of you who are celebrating Valentine's day in spectacular solitude, use the day to cleanse your mind and heart and soul - perhaps even your houses and gardens and balconies, if you feel inclined to; under no circumstances are you allowed to mope around! And, in case you are done with all the cleansing, and your neighbours are still not back from romancing - well, clean up their houses as well! If you cannot love your neighbour, then, by all means, clean his house!!!!! Sorry, actually that should read [to end on a hopeful note] "if you cannot love your neighbour, by all means, love yourself"….